


October's most whumpy Snapey

by evilbean



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Angst, Found Family, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Severus Snape-centric, Sick Character, Snapetober, Whump, no beta we die like... well Snape I guess, sxvxrxssnape's Snapetober 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-02
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:41:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26770822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evilbean/pseuds/evilbean
Summary: A collection of Snape-centered angst/whump OS.This is my participation to the wonderful sxvxrxssnape's Snapetober 2020 Whump challenge on tumblr.I don't know how many I will do, not all of them for sure, for lack of time.Since they aren't any rule per se, I've chosen to use the prompts as I saw fit: alone, combined, on the right day, late, in advance etc.Basically, I'm just trying to have fun with this.There are some bits in the TASB (That Awful Snape Boy) and Moonstone universe in this too FYI.
Comments: 75
Kudos: 106
Collections: Snapetober





	1. Day 1 Insomnia/Day 2 Poisoned

Grimmauld Place was as dreary as ever when Severus apparated at the front door with a near-silent _crack_. Breathing heavily, he stood there a few minutes, trying to summon strength for the incoming Order meeting.

He would have chosen to sleep in a ditch instead if it was up to him. Well, his lips upturned in a bitter expression at the following thought, it wasn't like he was able to sleep these days, of course.

This was exactly what he didn't need: Dumbledore calling for a meeting just after his other Master had just let him go. His life was just so fucked up.

Not seeing how he could delay the inevitable anymore, he pushed the heavy door silently, entering the house like a liquid shadow.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

They had been at it for fucking hours now, the discussion was going round in circles and Severus was slowly but surely losing his mind. What a bunch of stringless puppets. To top it all, his stomach had been killing him for some time now, and the pain was slowly reaching unbearable level – which was a worry since his pain-resistance was quite high. What was going on?

Tuning out the nonsense Lupin was sprouting about his new werewolfs little friends – Severus was all for the monsters staying together of course, he just wished he didn't have to listen to the corresponding inane reports – he tried to think hard about anything he could have eaten or drank lately that could be responsible for his current ailment. The list was shockingly short.

Lupin's stupid words suddenly evaporated from his consciousness and he stood up abruptly at the unwelcome realization, ignoring the sharp pain he induced doing so.

"Fuck! "

For a little while, he was too focused on his inner thoughts to pay attention to the others. Strangely, it was Molly's voice that reached his ear first:

"What's wrong Severus? Is that werewolf Guidian not to be trusted then, do you know something?"

_What was the woman rambling about now?_

Suddenly aware that his little realization had apparently interrupted Lupin's furry monsters' tale, Severus felt himself blushing furiously at once.

The mutt bark of a laugh didn't do anything good for his complexion. He knew how unpleasant he looked, and he knew about the brick-red patches that turned his already ugly face into something even uglier, thank you very much. He didn't need Sirius fucking Black to humiliate him further for it, like a sharp dagger in his chest, a time-travelling dagger. He loathed the fact that he shared his current feeling with his fifteen years old self. Only fucking Black could do it – and to some lesser extent Lupin – and it wasn't a power Severus welcomed.

They were all looking at him expectantly now. Swallowing his worry and humiliation, he smoothly smirked, answering in his softest, coldest voice:

"I fear Lupin's report lulled me to sleep, nothing to worry about of course. Do sit down Black, your pet werewolf doesn't seem to be done with the clumsy retelling of his even clumsier attempt to make friend with his furry family. Sad, isn't it?"

Predictable as always, Black began spitting at once, foaming at the mouth:

"You shut your mouth you dirty death eater scum!"

"Sirius!"

The cacophony that followed gave Severus time to sit down and attempt to resume his thinking. Why did he have to drink that wine? He shouldn't have touched the glass when it was coming from that filthy rat!

He carefully unfolded the scene in his mind, trying to find a confirmation that the rat was the source of his current predicament.

He started from when he had been on his knees, in front of the Dark Lord, still moaning after a harsh punishment for his meagre report of the day; then his Master had called the others in, as if torture was just another daily chores these days. It was then, during the exchange of pleasantries between comrades that Pettigrew had been distributing the wine, the most pathetic waiter Severus has ever seen in his life. He was talking with Rodolphus, trying to assess as subtly as possible what the brute knew about his horrible wife whereabouts, when the filthy little man had reached them. Severus had taken a glass, toasted Rodolphus and lightly soaked his lips in it, careful not to consume anything that could alter his judgement during these deadly reunions.

And now, nearly three hours later, his stomach was rebelling furiously against something… Couldn't be a coincidence could it?

The scrap of chairs on wooden flooring took him away from his thoughts again. Apparently Lupin had succeeded in concluding his most boring report to date. Small mercies and all that.

While everyone was emptying the room slowly, exchanging pleasantries with the others, Severus stood up carefully and immediately sat up again. He really didn't feel well now. _Fuck_.

His stomach was killing him, he felt dizzy and unsettled, his hearing and vision were now distorted and he was sure that he would crash on the floor should he attempt to get up again.

Trying not to panic, Severus stayed on his chair, summoning all his remaining skills to try not to be noticed by the others. He shouldn't have bothered anyway since nobody seemed to pay any attention to him. Of course. They wouldn't want to dirty themselves with the likes of him, right. He always felt like a misplaced cockroach among the Order. At least with his _other_ "friends" he didn't feel the need to suffer from any comparaison. The pain flared again and Severus had to close his eyes to focus on not making any sound.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

When he came back to his senses, Severus was taken aback by the heavy silence surrounding him. A quick look to the hideous clock on the opposite wall confirmed to him that it was now the middle of the night. He was sprawled on the dirty floor and had apparently vomited all over himself. A quick spell got rid of the horrible mess but the acidic smell was still floating in the stale air of the room. He felt like crap, even on his own overindulgent scale.

His head felt like it had split in two, his stomach was dancing painfully around nothing, he was sweating profusely and shaking, still a little dizzy from the whole ordeal. Great.

Definitely poison then. What kind was now irrelevant since he was apparently saved from a worse fate by the little quantity he had ingested and his expelling of his stomach content. Severus knew enough about the Art of Poisoning to know that if he was still alive despite the quick and intense effects of whatever he drank, he wasn't going to succumb to it now. Not that it was that good of a realization of course. It seemed he was fated to always endured the pains without being given the relief that should come with it in the end. Be it poison or fucking Dumbledore, they all wanted him to suffer longer instead of going for the alternative, to just stop it all; the ultimate ending of pains. It has always felt simultaneously like immediate relief coupled with cowardice. Bittersweet; an acquired taste.

Feeling like indeed death would be a way better alternative right now, Severus slowly stood up, groaning and wincing as his useless body protested the movement. As silently as he could, he went to the depressing kitchen, leaning heavily on the walls on his way. A good metaphor for his useless life: alone and in pain, but trying anyway.

It was there, in the dark kitchen of Grimmauld Place, a chipped mug of Earl Grey in his trembling hands, that he heard movements above him for the first time since he woke drenched in his own stomach content.

He tensed at once, adrenaline muting the pain a little, trying to assess the situation. What a good pet-spy he was, going like clockwork, all instincts and restlessness. Dumbledore could think he had trained him well all he wanted, the truth was that the Headmaster was just another steamroller in a long list. Severus had been squashed by life itself over and over from the beginning; he wondered now what the first mold had looked like?

The distant sound of a curse took him away from his introspection.

Black. It was just fucking Black of course.

Severus snorted, the bitterness on his face accentuating his ugliness.

Taking refuge in his usual pettiness, Severus smirked unpleasantly at the realization that the great Sirius Black was suffering from the same unforgiving insomnia as himself. It made sense of course.

Taking comfort in Black's suffering, he carelessly put his mug on the table – unwashed – before dragging himself to the front door to try to apparate back to Hogwarts.

He had a lot of things he needed to do before resuming his teaching the next day after all. His suffering but a footnote in the grand scheme of things; as it always have been.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, wasn't this depressing then? XD  
> It isn't much and it was written really fast. I just wanted to write something for the challenge without putting too much pressure on myself, it's just a tiny thing, but I had fun writing it this morning.
> 
> Note that no beta was used for this. English is not my first language, I'm doing my best, please forgive me for my mistakes. 
> 
> Don't hesitate to let me know your thoughts though, you all know how much a kudos or a comment means to us silly writers!


	2. Day 3 torture/day 4 exhaustion/day 5 sick, fever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another ficlet full of angst. I again combined several days/prompts in one ficlet. We have multiple PoVs in this one and too much plot for such a little thing to be honest. Anyway, it's written, here it is, bye!  
> Again, english is not my first language: I apologize in advance for my mistakes.

Minerva McGonagall and Sirius Black were absentmindedly drinking tea in the Headmaster's office, the whole space heavy with worried anticipation. Albus Dumbledore himself, meanwhile, was pacing, trying to convert his inner anxiety about the lateness of his spy into kinetic energy. It wasn't working.

"Surely Albus you have a mean to contact Severus in such situations?", Minerva's voice interrupted his thoughts.

"I already told you Minerva, it's not possible to have safety nets here. When Severus is with _Him_ , he's lost to me. I can only hope each time that he will find his way back to us.

"That's if he's not actually acting on Voldemort's order that is.", interjected Sirius, always a skeptic when it came to the Order's spy.

"Sirius, please".

Albus didn't know if it was his usual authority or the tone of his voice, but Sirius looked sheepish at once. After all, Remus' fate could very well be hanging on Severus' prompts return from the serpents' den.

It was a strange situation they found themselves in… They knew very well where Severus was but couldn't get to him; while they could have gone after Remus immediately, had they known where he was at all…

Even their thin hope that maybe Severus had heard something was just that: a very thin thread of hope.

<><><><><><><><><><><><>

Albus was now really worried. He had stopped pacing hours ago, Sirius was snoring loudly from the blue sofa near his office's window under the intense's gaze of Fawkes, and Minerva's tea had been cold for some time already. Where was Severus? He should have been back hours ago now. It was really worrying indeed, Voldemort didn't usually allowed his spy to miss work days and Monday morning was but two hours ahead at this point.

Everybody jumped at once when the fireplace suddenly illuminated the whole room with dancing green lights.

"Headmaster, sir?"

"What can I do for you Hagrid, in this very early Monday morning?"

"Sorry for the inconvenience Headmaster sir, I just think the matter is rather urgent?"

Hagrid was twisting his hands, looking at McGonagall but especially Sirius very nervously, as if he wasn't sure he could talk in their presence.

"Go ahead Hagrid, you can talk freely"

"It's Professor Snape Headmaster, I think he's in trouble?"

Everyone in the room straightened up at once upon hearing the spy name, and Hagrid seemed to grew more confident at that:

"I always keep an eye out at your demand Headmaster, for the special nights like this one", Hagrid said with exaggerated eyebrows movements, "and I saw him at the entrance gate two hours or so ago and… I know the passage he uses to return to the dungeons sir, and he needs to light a small corridor at some point and Guido the Bright's painting is just a little far off and Guido always tell me if the corridor had been illuminated while the Professor is walking through it and… Guido just told me, after I asked of course sir, that there wasn't any light tonight so far and I don't know if it is relevant, sir, but –"

"Calm down Hagrid, we will go and investigate. Thank you for your help, we were indeed quite worried about Severus. You can go and get some rest now of course, your help was invaluable tonight, as always."

Hagrid was a little red in the face but looked quite satisfied with himself when he left the room, satisfied that his ramblings have not been mocked by the Headmaster.

<><><><><><><><><><><><>

Minerva was walking briskly behind Albus, aware of Sirius Black's heavy breathing just behind her, the sleepiness of her sleepless night being chased away by the surge of adrenalin delivered by Hagrid's intervention. It was quite cold in this obscure part of the dungeons and Minerva thought once again that she was glad to have her quarters in Gryffindor's tower… no wonder Severus was always in such an awful mood… cold feet of course.

She nearly bumped into the Headmaster when he came to an abrupt halt suddenly. At first, Minerva didn't understand why he would delay their research for a useless break like that, and then she saw it – him – a dark shadow, the edges of which were sculpted in black against the already gloom environment.

"Albus! Is that…?"

"I'm afraid so my dear."

Minerva had known Albus Dumbledore long enough to detect the true hint of worry in his would-be-light tone. That wasn't really reassuring, not at all.

She let Sirius approached while the Headmaster was busy crouching down next to the lifeless form of her colleague.

"Severus, are you hurt?"

At their collective relief, a throaty groan resonated in the dark corridor. He wasn't dead then, thanks Merlin!

"Dumbledore?"

"Yes, it's me Severus, we just found you. I was a little worried, you're late. What happened?"

"Can it wait? I need to take… it would be better if I took them before giving my report."

"Do you have what you need in your rooms then? Can you tell me where?"

And Severus did just that, the spy was indeed prepared to come back in such a state as the potions were already prepared, and waiting for him in his personal bathroom.

"Minerva, can you go and warn Poppy that we are going to need a private bed?"

Minerva agreed at once and was already walking away when she heard:

"Sirius, please go to Severus rooms – the password is "Moonstone" –and retrieve the potions would you?"

Severus' outraged protestationsaccompanied her for a long while on her way to the hospital wing. What was Albus thinking really?

<><><><><><><><><><><><>

Sirius was on his way at once, Snape's protestations only making him go faster. After all, he needed to know where Moony was and he didn't care at all about Snape's sense of privacy. He even felt a little thrill thinking about what he was about to see in the other's rooms. Snape had always been very private and secretive, Sirius was already imagining all the embarrassing things he would be able to use to shut the spy up in the future. Two birds, one stone, right?

It was therefore with a sense of dark glee that he put his first foot in the potions professor's quarter. Everything was hidden in shadows before Sirius illuminated all the torches at once with one lazy movement from his wand. It was… underwhelming to say the least.

He appeared to be standing in some sort of living room, with a kitchen corner on the far right. Everything looked… generic. Dark wood, earthy colours. There wasn't any personal objects casually forgotten anywhere, no photos, no portraits, no junk of any kind – nothing personal at all. It looked like a hotel room.

A little disappointed, Sirius quickly looked around the kitchen corner – there weren't even a dirty mug laying about – and quickly opened the door on the opposite wall. It was a corridor with a few other doors.

He first found what looked like the study. The furniture and decoration was as impersonal as before but this time a crazy amount of old books gave the room a little more personality. They were everywhere: on the walls, the floor, the desk, even the chair. A quick look at the pile of documents scattered all over the desk made Sirius groaned: potions, of course, _ugh_.

The next room was Snape's bedroom. Sirius actually hurried in entering this one to look at where the bat slept at night – if he indeed did sleep of course. The bed had been made, everything was tidy. There was only one thin pillow. The sheets were basic white sheets and the quilt was dark blue, unremarkable but comfy looking. Sirius shivered a little. The room was freezing. Sirius took another step inside the room to touch the blue quilt: it was definitely too thin for the season. Letting go of the soft tissue, he lazily opened the dark wardrobe, only to find mainly an assortiment of teaching black robes, more or less worn. Even the collection of underwear was unremarkable white generic pants. The only colours were found in the sock drawer; however Sirius knew at once that most of the awfully bright ones had certainly been a gift and never worn. He grimaced at an awful pair figuring a grey cat posing in the moonlight.

Not finding anything interesting, to his disappointment, Sirius moved on to the next room.

It was the bathroom at last. Truthful to the spy words, an assortiment of variously-sized potions bottles was indeed lined up on the washstand. Sirius quickly pocketed them. Looking around, he was once again confronted by the most generic bathroom in human's history… Looking harder though, Sirius could see that someone actually used the commodities here contrary to the leaving room for example. There were some beard hair in the sink – Snape did shave it seemed! –, some long black hairs in the bathtub drain and on a tired looking brush that was laying casually on the edge of the sink. He even smirked at finding a generic bottle of what looked like home-made shampoo by the bathtub and a block of hand soap next to it. Turning away from the bath, Sirius looked on the shelves above the sink, curious, and immediately found some dreamless-sleep, an assortiment of pain-relief potions, bandages, wound-cleaning gel; no beauty product, nothing luxurious at all, only healing material. It sobered him up suddenly. What was he doing looking in Snape's bathroom cabinet? The excitement of finding something to use against his childhood nemesis evaporated at once, living behind only a sense of disgust towards himself.

Grimacing, Sirius put everything back on the shelves delicately, before living the room. Snape needed his potions after all and Sirius had lost enough time snooping around already. Remus needed him to focus here. He went back through the dark little corridor, crossed again the sad and in this case wrongly-named living room and was out in no time.

<><><><><><><><><><><><>

Severus was exhausted. So exhausted in fact that he had no fight left to prevent Black for sticking his nose in his private things, and after that no energy at all to protest when Dumbledore conjured a stretcher and took him to the hospital wing.

He had known that the Dark Lord wouldn't be happy with his spy tonight, it was unavoidable after all, but he wasn't prepared for that level of ire. At least all those people had been saved by the Order and Severus silence about the operation had insured that the Death Eaters didn't know before it was too late. It was a very meagre comfort right now, when every muscle in Severus' body was hurting so much he felt like loosing his stomach again under the assault.

The Dark Lord had used quite the little collection of torture tools on him tonight. Short of just killing him of course, that wouldn't do after all. Severus couldn't help but snort at this little common trait between his two Masters.

As if his life wasn't painful enough, he was interrupted in his self-pity road-trip by Black himself entering the private room where Poppy had placed his bed. Well, to be honest, he was quite ambivalent about this new development: he loathed Black but the mutt was bringing his precious potions with him and for once he felt weak enough to feel relief upon seing him.

The world had suddenly become very strange indeed.

Severus didn't even acknowledged Black presence out-loud in the end, preferring to drink all the potions as quickly as he could manage. Dumbledore gave him a moment to compose himself after after that, however, he soon asked everyone to leave the room, and they began their little dance of questions and answers. Severus had always secretly felt like it was more of an interrogation than a discussion between friends, whatever the Headmaster liked to call it and despite the tea he insisted on thrusting upon his spy at every such occasions.

The only delay in his account of the evening developments was his own present exhaustion.

All in all, this was quite a short report in the end. Severus' current state, after all, not being really relevant to the game of war played by the two geniuses of the time. Dumbledore already knew before Severus had been called the previous day that his spy was going to have a bad evening after all. And so did Severus himself.

<><><><><><><><><><><><>

Sirius wasn't very happy to be thrown out of Snape's room. He wanted to know where Remus was! He came to see the Headmaster for that reason in the first place and no all-nighter – whatever spy-drama was thrown upon them in the meantime – was going to make him forget about his friend. That's the reason why when Dumbledore exited the room and vanished without a trace, Sirius didn't loose any time in entering it behind him… only to find a sleeping git inside.

Snape looked… well, bad. His hair was greasier than ever and dark strands of tangled mess were stuck to his sweaty face. He was breathing noisily and too fast, his sleep agitated, looking sick and feverish.

For the first time, Sirius wondered what Voldemort had done to him and if this was something that happened often? Dumbledore had not looked that worried but, a little part of Sirius was wondering what exactly was the nature of their relationship? Of course, the Headmaster was always going around defending the git and telling everyone in the Order that he trusted Snape with his life. However, they were not friend. They couldn't be. Surely no friend could live the room when someone was looking as bad as Snape was looking right now? Sirius wouldn't have left Remus or Harry alone in this situation.

Snape, as rudely as ever, interrupted Sirius' musing with a painful groan. His body became suddenly rigid, arching on the bed, his eyes shut as if in pain and his fits grasping at the sheet.

"Madam Pomfrey!", hollowed Sirius, alarmed.

It took the matron fifteen minutes to get the situation under control, Sirius trying not to get in her way the whole time, looking at Snape's grey face, contorting in pain while his body convulsed on the bed, like he had been stricken by lightening. It was horrible to say the least, and he didn't even like Snape.

Sirius was taken aback by a sudden desire to find someone, anyone, who could be in Snape's room as a friend right now. His conclusion that if Dumbledore had left then there was no-one else didn't procure him the joy that it would have in the past. Maybe McGonagall? They were colleagues after all…

Sirius was promptly cut in his strange thoughts by a familiar mocking voice:

"Are you lost, Black? Did someone let you out of your cage by mistake? Did you need to go for a pee in the street?"

"Shut up, Snivellus, I'm not the one who probably just pissed himself in bed right five minutes ago."

The world was back in his tracks then.

"What do you want filthy mutt?"

"What, you don't want to prolong the insults match, are you not feeling well then, Snape?"

"Surely, you're not here for the view, get on with it before I hex you."

Sirius wasn't very surprised that, for once, Snape wasn't looking for a fight, not really. He too would have liked the other out of the room sooner rather than later after having lost the control of his body in front of him.

"Remus. We can't locate him and all the usual way of communication don't work. Do you know something? Has one of your little friend said anything?"

"Ahhh, that's why you're out of your kennel then, all worried about your pet werewolf, aren't you?"

"If you know something, just spit it out, you dirty scum!"

Snape face paled a little at Sirius' anger, his eyes desperately looking around, probably for his wand. That sobered Sirius a little, and he tried to take a breath. What mattered was Remus, he needed to keep his head here.

"So?"

"I don't know anything about your freaky friend, get out of my room Black, you're making me sick."

"Oh, am I? Maybe I will stay some more then?"

In the end, despite the unpleasant snarl of the other, Sirius saw how his hands were trembling, grasping lightly at the sheet and took pity on him. If Snape didn't know anything – or wasn't going to share what he knew – then Sirius was losing his time here.

"Goodbye then Snivelus, it wasn't a pleasure at all."

"Likewise, Black. Now get out of here, the smell of wet dog is bothering me."

<><><><><><><><><><><><>

Remus was not looking forward to this. Severus had always been… prickly at best, but the prospect of going to his sick bed to thank him was dreadful. Remus would have been less scared to go discuss the quality of teas available in Dumbledore's office with Fluffy at this point.

Severus had been bed-ridden for days now by the aftermath of whatever Voldemort did to him – all because the spy had made Voldemort think that he hadn't known at all about the Order's plan… – unwell and feverish. Remus hoped, feeling like a coward because of it, that maybe Severus was too unwell to be too unpleasant right now.

Dumbledore had told him the password to Severus' room but Remus felt very uneasy for having been trusted with this information. He was certain that Severus wouldn't have approved. Dumbledore didn't seem to really care though, maybe it was going to be alright?

Remus hesitated only a second before saying out-loud:

"Moonstone"

The living-room was quiet and as nondescript as Sirius had told him. It was eerily silent too and very cold. Remus tried not to look around too much, already feeling like he was violating Severus' privacy by just being there. He found the bedroom easily enough and didn't let himself get cold-feet by knocking lightly on it immediately.

A disgruntled voice answered:

"Who is it?"

"It's Remus, Severus, Dumbledore gave me your password. Can I enter please, I have something to tell you".

"Get on with it Lupin, and be on your way."

It stroke Remus immediately that Severus was mistakenly thinking that he was visiting on Dumbledore's order. Well, if it allowed him to skip the negotiation to be allowed entry, then so be it.

Remus took the time to quietly close the door behind him before looking at his host. Severus looked dreadful. He was pale, sweaty, he looked even thinner than the last time he saw him and an unpleasant smell of stale sweat and sickness was floating around the rancid air of the room. It was also freezing cold.

Not being able to stop himself, Remus casted an air-refreshening spell at once and lit the fireplace with a big roaring fire, hoping to warm the room quickly.

Strangely, Severus didn't comment; Remus choose not to acknowledge it verbally either.

"So, what is it then Lupin?"

"I'm just here to thank you, Severus. Albus explained that you were the one passing the information on the clash between my werewolf's pack and some Death Eaters near Essex, after said Death Eaters couldn't get to the civilians in time due to the Order's rescue plan… also in part because of you… and I was found because of that. You see, I was hurt and had lost my wand… I was hiding in a cave in the middle of nowhere after the fight, trying to come up with a way to get back to London in my state and without magic so –

"– stop your annoying ramblings, wolf, I didn't do it for you. You can go and take your sickening good conscience with you."

"As you wish Severus, but like it or not, I'm very grateful. I just thought you should know. Had a Death Eater found me before Sirius, I could have been killed, or tortured…"

"Get out."

<><><><><><><><><><><><>

Severus wouldn't have admitted it under torture – even still feverish and exhausted by the last round of it – but he basked in the sudden warmness surrounding him after Lupin had left his room. He was still alone, but he wasn't so cold anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what did you think?  
> I'm not sure I like this one as much as the first one? I feel like too many characters tried to intrude here and we didn't need that much plot... I don't know, isn't it too long and a little boring? I tried to fix the pacing a little but I'm not sure if I succeeded.  
> I will try to make everyone behave for the next ones – no promises though!
> 
> Did you catch the cat easter-egg? 
> 
> (Also it's very subtle but Minerva was the one who gifted Severus with the cat-socks, I promise it's indeed suggested in the text, but shhh)
> 
> My cat get a little cuddle everytime someone leaves a kudos and a BIG one for each comment, true story. (and she's a very good cat).


	3. Day 6 Dementors/(Day 7 Nightmares)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snape encounter with a Dementor.
> 
> (I worked to make this a perfect drabble with exactly 100 words - I hope there aren't too many mistakes in it...)

It was like being drowned in a dark pool of void, and then filled with it with every breath you took, suffocating; until suddenly you exploded and broke the world around you, filling it in turns with the empty darkness from inside, killing it.

And then… the flow didn't stop, from you to the world, again and again, you were the one filling the void, filling everything around, with yourself, with the darkest nightmares from inside your heart, those you always tried to avoid, those which were meant for yourself and that were now living, real, crushing you in terror.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what do you think? It's my first drabble ever, and it was very tricky and very interesting. I felt like I was trying to encapsulate a single feeling in a little 100-words glass cylinder, very fun! Let me know if I succeeded even a little?
> 
> (and even with a drabble I used 2 prompts ahah - because I'm lazyyyy)^^
> 
> Thank you all for the support on this little challenge collection, you're all wonderful people :)


	4. Day 8 Secret Injury

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, this is a little interlude in the universe of my current WIP "That Awful Snape Boy" (you can of course find it on AO3 too). I'm not sure it actually fits anywhere in the timeline of the main fic but it's like a mini-AU in the same world. 
> 
> For those who are not reading it: basically, McGonagall ends up adopting Severus at the beginning of his 3rd years at Hogwarts. It's a long road for them, a difficult one but also full of love and care. This little moment would fit during their first summer holiday together.

Severus was trying to keep up with his guardian, fighting against the heavy limp he was now sporting. _Damn leg!_ Minerva was pretty far away, zigzagging between the shop's aisles at what seemed to Severus like lightening speed. How could this woman move that fast?

She had taken him on an impromptu outing that morning, seemingly out of nowhere. While he admitted now that he enjoyed spending time with Minerva, he had been in pain all night, and anyway: shopping was definitely taking it a little too far… He had tried to stay at the cottage, but she was adamant that she wouldn't leave him alone for a whole day like that. Severus had replied that he was left alone at his parent's for days on end since he was three: it didn't seem to placate her… the suggestion only putting that little spark of anger in her eyes, as it often was the case when his biological parents were discussed.

Apparently, even fourteen years old were not to be left alone for that long? Severus thought she was being a little extreme with this: Lily and Petunia sometimes spent the whole day alone in the summer when both their parents had to work!

He tried not to look too much into his feeling that this was linked to the little sad moods he had been experiencing lately. She was worried about him and he felt like trash because of it. Why couldn't he just be happy? What more did he need seriously? He was a pathetic, ungrateful piece of garbage. A useless worm.

The pain flared up suddenly and, giving up, he stopped behind a jackets' display to let his leg rest a little. This was going to be a long day…

He only had himself to blame for this one, as usual. The day before, he had been running on the Scottish beach near the cottage – just enjoying the fresh hair, the calming music of the sea and the freedom of it all – when he had stepped on a treacherous rolling stone and twisted his knee quite badly. It had hurt like Hell at the time. Severus remembered having literally seen a white flashing light for a moment at the intensity of the pain. However, after having taken some tentative steps in the sand, it was still hurting of course but not as much and not to the point where he could not walk at all (he admitted now that it had been quite worse after having rested his knee all night unfortunately).

He had felt really bad about it, somewhat guilty too. It was like the universe was trying to remind him than freaks like him didn't deserve the mindless fun of a run on a beautiful, deserted, white-sanded Scottish beach. Those things weren't for disgusting kids like him, what had he been thinking?

To be honest, it was only mid-July and this first summer holiday with Minerva was already surreal. He had a room here too, to his stupefaction since he wasn't aware at all that she had made any preparation before they came together to spend the summer here, and hot chocolate was offered even more frequently than during the school year.

Severus, however, felt somewhat unsettled by it all. Everything was… weird? He didn't feel like he should have those things, like Minerva's kindness was deserved on his part. He also had moments when he just felt… empty? Sad? Like nothing really mattered and everything was just grey and not worth it. It was scary and it had been sapping his energy in waves since the start of the holidays. Without school to distract him from it, it was suddenly worse than it had been all year.

All of that made it even more critical that he didn't end up bothering Minerva with again another thing that would add to her already worried state. He just felt like she would be so much better without the like of him really… He was the worse thing that had ever happened to her.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

The boy had been quiet all day, moody even. Minerva had tried to ask him what shop he had wanted to do next – it was after all his first outing in an all-wizards town in the Outer Hebrides – but she didn't seem to be able to have him engaged with their little trip.

It was a shame since it had been an excuse for just that in the first place. She was so worried about him… He had been moody, withdrawn and quite frankly sad since the beginning of the holidays and even his obvious joy at discovering the cottage and the magnificent scenery of her Harris' cottage didn't last very long.

Minerva sighed. The day had been a failure in the end…they were making their way back to the isolated little cottage, walking in the fine sand on the beach, with a magnificent sunset in the background; and yet their hearts were as heavy as the silence between them.

She turned her head to make sure Severus was still following her – he had been lagging behind all day – when she suddenly caught him grimacing in pain, his left leg giving way beneath him before he caught himself and tried to speed up with a set expression on his little face.

"Severus Snape, you stop where you are young man!", she said to him at once, alarmed.

Startled, Severus stopped in his tracks and looked at her with that worried expression of his, making her heart hurt for him once again. She felt like her anger at his parents was never going to fade away. Her anger at herself too, for not having seen, for not having stopped this three years before, when she first saw the scrawny first year entering the Great Hall for the first time. Too small, too thin, too intense and crafty for a child his age. _How could they have missed it?_ That question was never going to stop haunting her.

The boy was looking at her, directly into her eyes with that defiant expression that used to infuriate her but that she knew now was just his way of being scared, and said nothing, waiting for whatever was going to fall on his head this time – there always was way too much resignation in his expression.

"Is your leg hurting, Severus?", she asked softly, using her newfound "motherly voice" in an attempt to reassure him that he wasn't in trouble at all. This script between them was certainly getting old.

"It's nothing, I can deal with it."

"It doesn't seem like it's nothing when it's making you limp and stumble like that. It looks painful too. What did you do?", Minerva asked, worried.

"It's nothing, _really_ … just… I twisted my knee a little yesterday, I won't do it again I promise, please, don't be mad at me?"

"Oh, Severus. How many times do I have to tell you that I won't be mad at you for things that are outside of your power. Come here child, let me see."

She wanted to hug him tight, that smart, broken child; but she knew that he still wasn't always comfortable with physical manifestations of affection so she refrained herself.

Looking sheepish, he limped towards her, looking at his feet, like a criminal having been caught red-handed.

"Sit on the sand Severus, and pull your trouser leg above your knee please, I want to see what we're dealing with here."

And as often, he did just that. Minerva was still quite taken by surprise by this… and they all thought that he was a model of insolence just a year ago… The child was in reality quite mild on a teenager's antics scale. Or maybe she knew how to handle him now?

She crouched before him, her back protesting at once, and looked at his injury closely. His poor knee was blue and swollen, very painful looking. How on earth had he been able to walk on that all day was beyond her.

"Severus, child, why didn't you tell me? This is a pretty bad sprain I think… I won't be able to treat it right away… but really, you're not walking another foot on this, that's for sure."

"But…"

"No buts. I will cast a feather-light charm on you and carry you to the cottage. I should have some Every-Day-Destrainer-Cream there. Would that be alright?"

"Yes… but you don't have to, I can walk, we're nearly there anyway."

"This isn't a negotiation! What's the first rule for living with me, Severus?"

He looked suddenly annoyed, making her smile fondly, that for once so common manifestation of teenage rebellion at the prospect of any discussion about house rules was comforting. Her whole guardian experience was so backwards… Worried when her child was quiet, happy when he was being a reluctant teenager.

"I'm not allowed to do anything dangerous or that can hurt me in any way."

"Exactly! Now, don't move", Minerva did the wand gesture, casting the spell non-verbally on her young charge, "and it's done!"

They looked a little silly, the middle-aged witch carrying the gangly adolescent on her back towards their little cottage. Minerva certainly didn't mind.

That silly, moody child was not going to be in pain anymore, she sweared it. She was going to heal him, and not just the knee, damn it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've never been on Lewis and Harris, which is an island in the Outer Hebrides in Scotland, I really urge you to google it to see what I'm talking about in terms of "beautiful sandy beaches" scenery here. It's SO beautiful, it's the most beautiful place I've ever been.
> 
> So, did you like it? Don't hesitate to let me know of course :)
> 
> If you liked it and you're not reading TASB, I encourage you to look it up, it's really all about the same kind of feelings as this.


	5. Day 10 - "You're bleeding"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is an AU for my current WIP "That Awful Snape Boy" (TASB for us friends) - also on AO3 if you're interested.  
> It can be read separately.
> 
> This is what could have happened if Severus's home life hadn't been discovered at the start of his 3rd year at Hogwarts; what his life could have been like if Minerva never adopted him…*sad face*

Severus was looking through the window of the Hogwarts Express absentmindedly, trying to breathe deeply enough to quench the light-headedness he was feeling but shallowly enough not to hurt too much. It was an exercise in precision.

At least, Lily had only stayed thirty minutes or so in their compartment, having gone to meet with some other friends some time ago; trying to act as normal as possible had been so draining for Severus, he couldn't have kept it up for longer. Small mercies and all that.

Why was it that Tobias always chose to do the more damage just before Severus had to go back to school?

It was the beginning of his Fourth year and Severus was feeling hopeless. He still remembered how he had felt at eleven, brightly-eyed, hoping then that Hogwarts was going to be his liberation, that it was his way to escape everything: Tobias, the pain, the humiliation, the dirt he had been breathing every day since his inconvenient birth, the same dirt he lived in, absorbing it into himself to grow more and more into his disgusting self; even his mother – wherever she was now – who he now saw for what she was, not happy at all about that last disillusion. He couldn't help but feel that now familiar painful twist in his chest at the thought… why did she abandon him? She knew better than anyone what Tobias was capable of… Severus felt tears collecting in his eyes, trying hard to keep then from falling: even his own mother couldn't bear the sight of him. Even his own mother didn't care. Why should he then?

Severus was fourteen and he felt like an old man already, had been for some time.

No tears fell.

He knew he needed to do better than last year, it has been too close back then. He remembered it vividly still, Tobias had again done his worst one last time before sending Severus back up to Scotland. (He had wondered about that, why his father was letting him go back to his "freaky school"? He finally came to the conclusion that his father enjoyed him gone even more than he enjoyed him as a punching ball. Severus didn't know how to feel about that; it was how things were, that's all.)

Anyway, a few days after his third welcome feast, Black had pushed him against a wall, jarring his sore ribs, and Severus had fainted like the weakling he had always been. It had been so close, his secret nearly exposed, his shitty life put under unwanted scrutiny. In the end, his stubborn silence had ended all enquiries and soon enough everyone had moved on, focusing on some other gossips. Lily had nearly made everything crumble back then, her silence deeply shaken by the staff's questions; she knew too much already and he had sweared to distance himself a little from her since the incident. He knew he wouldn't be able to stop her from talking a second time… He was really alone now.

His thoughts as painful as his side, Severus closed his eyes, tired of it all. Why was it always this difficult? He really needed a rest, damn it.

As if the universe had heard him and thought his life was a joke, the compartment's door banged open suddenly making him jump. Pain was blurring his vision still when he heard the hated voice:

"Hey James! Look what I found, if it isn't Snivellus himself, in all his greasy glory!"

Of course it had to be Black. Severus wondered briefly if he had summoned him somehow with his thoughts alone. Maybe he did have a fever after all.

"Go away Black.", Severus heard himself say, his tone so flat it was a little freaky.

"Oh oh, did you miss me, Snively? Were you crying alone, imagining what it would be like to have friends?"

_Not now, please._

Black seemed to deflate a little at Severus's lack of repartee. He looked briefly in the corridor again – no doubt searching for his jerk of a friend Potter – before shrugging and finally entering the compartment, closing the door behind him.

This situation was not going Severus' way at all.

Defeated and too exhausted to really think of some way out of this alarming situation, Severus hunched a little more onto himself, unconsciously protecting his injured side, closing his eyes. Maybe Black was going to kill him already and everything would finally stop, just stop. _Nothing_ would be better than anything else right now.

"Really Snape, no insult, no disturbing hex? Are you really gonna give me nothing today, not even a greasy mark on my impeccable robe?"

Severus felt himself flush violently, his hatred for the smiling boy in front of him burning his veins like fucking lava.

"Why does it even matter, you fucking git? You're the one always going on on how disgusting I am and here you are, alone with me by your own volition. If I didn't know better I would think that I'm reminding you of your mummy Black, do you miss her too much? Is this what it is?"

Black's eyes narrowed at once, taking on this steely glow that Severus knew now to associate with danger. Strangely, the absence of Potter didn't feel like a mercy here. The two of them together were skilled enough to overpower Severus from time to time but Potter, despite all his shortcomings, could also act as Black's conscience when things tended to turn a little too dark. Black could well enough try to fool the world, he wasn't that better than Severus in the end. Nobody could be all that innocent with that last name anyway.

"Fuck your filthy mouth, greaseball!"

"Make me", Severus couldn't help but taunt in reply.

Black jumped on him at once, the taller boy crushing Severus painfully against the window. They struggled for some time, punching, grabbing, pinching as they went. Severus was trying to get to his wand – he had foolishly let it on the little train-table in front of him – when Black unexpectedly drew back, looking shakily at his left hand for some reason. This was… weird. Severus felt unsettled by the whole thing, what the hell was happening here?

Straightening up on the booth seat, he grabbed his wand in his shaking hand, trying not to groan from the worsened pain he was feeling. Fucking Black, always making everything worse. He took a moment to calm his breathing.

The silence grew heavy and Severus stared at Black again, trying to understand what was going on. Strangely, the other boy still had his hand in front of his face, moving his fingers slightly. That's when Severus saw it too: the unnatural dark red covering Black's digits. _Fuck_.

Black stopped looking stupidly at his fingers then and looked Severus in the eyes with a puzzled expression Severus had never seen on his face.

"You're bleeding."

It wasn't a question.

"Go back to your shitty mates, Black, and leave me alone."

"Why are you bleeding?", Black repeated, a lost look on his handsome face.

"Why do you care?", spat Severus, unsettled by this weird-acting Sirius Black.

"But… –"

"– just go away Black,", repeated Severus, desperate now to be left alone, "please."

And how he hated the pleading undertone in his voice… Closing his eyes in shame, Severus felt a little warm drop hit his hand, slowly wetting a little track down his skin before falling on the leathery surface of the bench, followed by another one.

This couldn't be happening, this was so much worse than the pain of Tobias's fists. He was nothing, he was so pathetic. He was crying in front of Sirius's Black.

He jumped out of his spiraling despair when the sound of the compartment's door closing gently registered in his mind. Severus opened his eyes then, confused.

Black had left. How could he have left when Severus was such an easy target? When he was offering him so much ammunition? It didn't make any sense.

On reflex, Severus got up quickly and turned the lock on the little door: it wouldn't do to just wait here and wait for Black to come back with Potter in tow…

He stayed silent for a while, listening intently, half-expecting the little door to blew up in his face to reveal all four of the Gryffindor buffoons. He stayed like that for most of the ride, tense and in pain, his breathing distraught and his head in shambles.

In the end, nobody came.

Nobody ever did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, did you enjoy it despite the angst?
> 
> I made myself a little sad with this one, don't hesitate to comfort me by letting me know your thoughts on this. ;)


	6. Day 14 - Abandoned (Moonstone fix-it part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, this is a kind of fix it for my saddest OS "Moonstone".  
> The original is available on AO3, but this can be read separately too.
> 
> Be warned: Moonstone ending is really sad. This is what I call the "happy-sad" AU ending ;)
> 
> It's in two part, using two prompts! Today is PART 1: Abandoned.
> 
> THANKS SO MUCH to [Ailec_12](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ailec_12/pseuds/Ailec_12/works) for her help, support, beta work and everything else on this! She's a star and I couldn't have done it without her!

It had been exactly three months since that weird trip to St Mungo with Snape and Sirius couldn't stop thinking about it; about the broken man he used to hate so much, about the fact that he hadn't been able to hate him that day, nor ever since. He just couldn't summon the old feeling anymore; that had been a surprise. Even weirder, Sirius was absolutely certain that Snape had felt the exact same way, he just knew; he had felt it.

He couldn't get over the strange sense of comradeship he had felt during the whole peculiar trip… a sense of belonging he had been missing for so long, kinship even. He wanted to say since Remus, but maybe even before that, before Azkaban… because even the few years he had had with his old friend in the end were tainted by a war and old scars that had needed more time to heal than what they ended up having.

Why was Sirius unable to stop thinking about fucking Severus Snape? He guessed his life had always been a fat fucking joke.

At first, he had tried to think of it as pity: what with the obvious pain and misery the other man seemed to live in now – if that day together was even a little bit representative of his life – and also what with the frankly brutal assault he had suffered as stoically as if it had been something normal for him when they were at that pub? The fucking cowards! Sirius still angered instantly at the thoughts of those guys thinking they were distributing justice by beating up an invalid four on one.

Harry had told him since that it was indeed quite usual sadly, and the reason why he had asked Sirius to take Snape to St Mungo in the first place when he hadn't been able to do so himself. Apparently, among other atrocious things Harry was able to tell Sirius, there had even been an occurrence of a street mob trying to hang the greasy bastard, what was wrong with these people seriously? Was that why they had all given their youths and sanity in a war? For the people they were trying to save to become the monsters themselves?

What a fucking waste. How could Sirius not be seething about that, about it all? Nothing was worth anything anymore and he just wanted to scream.

No, it wasn't pity; not only that anyway. Sirius knew now that it had to do with that sense of "we're the only ones left" that he had felt that day. Apparently, an old enemy from a dead, happy time could still be the only lifebelt for a very lonely man, the last of his kind, lost in a frightening new sea.

It was in this state of mind that Sirius ended up making quite an irrational decision. He just couldn't stay here, in his big London flat – so comfortable and well equipped and so fucking empty and cold whatever Sirius bought to try to warm it up – stewing in his thoughts, wondering, trying to understand the big shift under his metaphorical feet. He just needed to go and see the git, he needed to know that the man was still there, somewhere, well enough, that he still existed somehow. Sirius needed to know that he wasn't alone, that the oppressive loneliness that had been killing him since Remus, since he could take a minute to feel it, since the war had ended, that that crushing feeling he was fighting against every day, even in the presence of friends, of Harry, of all of James' wonderful great-children, could be lifted again, if only for one single day, one hour… just like it did that weird day three months ago. And damn it if it meant he had to go see if fucking Snape was alright.

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Severus was lying on his old uncomfortable sofa, on his back, trying not to move while the pain potion did its work. Unfortunately, the fact that he was still breathing was not sitting very well with the not moving part of his plan. One more thing to add to his pile of reasons why he should just have stopped the breathing thing as soon as that fucking snake had had a taste of him. How unfortunate, really.

Closing his eyes, he tried to empty his mind, not having been able to let go of the old habit despite not being able to occlude anymore, since the damn snake, again. It wasn't completely ineffective though, but when it had been a really efficient way to ignore anything from anxiety to physical pain for some extent of time in the past, it was now more a kind of soft meditation, helping with things, even if only a little, but definitely not as good as occluding was. He missed it very much.

The potions were helping a little less every day and Severus could sense his background panic rise a little more at each new progress of the pain. Every day he thought he just couldn't deal with any more than this, he just couldn't. And then, the next day was there and it was just that tiny little bit worse, and he endured it anyway. It wasn't good news. It was a growing despair in his very soul and Severus knew that he was near the end of his endurance, that he just needed it all to stop, that nothing was worth this and especially not his pitiful life. But the thing was that it just didn't stop, it kept getting worse and he was slowly losing his mind to it. Why couldn't it fucking stop? It wasn't fair. Well, life wasn't, right? His had never been anyway.

Severus jumped suddenly from his restless slumber. He had apparently ended up asleep when the potion had finally kicked in. It wasn't a surprise in his weakened state. Wondering briefly what had woken him up so suddenly, he didn't wait long before the answer came to him in the form of an insistent knock on his front door. _Fucking great._

Grimacing, he sat down as quickly as possible in his current state, then he quickly threw a hair-slicking charm, and a cleaning spell on himself, before trying to soothe the angry wrinkles on his clothes in an attempt to appear somewhat presentable. He really needed a shower…Rubbing his eyes slowly, he was again interrupted by a firm "tap tap tap", his visitor having surely heard his moving around by now.

"One minute please, I'm coming", the sound of his grating broken voice startled him more than he would have admitted. He just didn't use it a lot these days. This was his first visitor in around two months after all.

At least Moonstone was quite content with his daily murmuring… his soft words, always delivered under his breath, being enough to get him a cuddle from her every time. He hoped she hadn't been spooked by the knocking… she tended to be spooked by a lot of things; cats were weird like that.

Finally on his feet, he dragged himself toward the door, using the walls to help him along the way. The unpleasant creaking of his front door made him grimace again – it was fitting somehow though.

And it was then that Severus got his second startle of the day.

"What are you doing here?", he asked bluntly, bewildered by the identity of his visitor. He knew he shouldn't have agreed to letting him know where he lived.

"Hello to you too Snape, I see that you're as pleasant as ever," replied the stupid man, smiling like the idiot he was.

"Don't fuck around Black, what are you doing at my house?"

"And here I thought we were pals, why are you hurting me this way?"

Taking his nose between two fingers in exasperation, Severus just took a side step, freeing the other's path into the house in a silent – if somewhat still hostile – gesture of invitation.

"Thanks! You took ages to open the fucking door Snape, I was starting to think that you didn't want to see me!"

Severus summoned all the strength he was still capable of before closing the door behind him. This was going to be a very long afternoon.

"Do you want some tea Black?" Severus asked, feeling compelled to play host despite himself.

"Why not? The one you offered me last time was quite good, I wouldn't say no to a bit more of that!"

"Tea it is – just sit down and don't touch anything."

Severus let his guest sit on the sofa he had just vacated to go make some tea in his derelict kitchen. It gave him a little time to process what was happening. Sirius fucking Black was waiting for some tea in his living room and he was actually making it. Surely the world couldn't take such a thing?

That surreal road-trip to St Mungo some months ago had definitely shook the laws of the universe. Him and Black… what was this new thing between them? Severus knew that it wasn't exactly friendship, but it definitely wasn't the animosity of their past either. It was… something else, something like the sense of belonging that soldiers felt in each other when they had fought a war on the same side.

Something that wasn't the loneliness that had been permeating Severus's entire life, the loneliness that seemed only to grow with his physical weakness those last few years, gnarling at his tarnished soul a little more each day, living that raising despair in its wake that was becoming unbearable lately. And everything that wasn't that was welcomed, even if it was in a Sirius Black shape of all things. Anything that didn't make him feel like the world had definitely **abandoned** him after he had tried so hard to save it, anything like that was nice – underserved since he was the one trying to destroy it in the first place, but nice. He didn't have enough will to protect anything of himself at this point, to do the right thing, he would take nice against painful any day.He didn't have any pride left anyway.

When he got back in the living room, Black was busy petting a furiously purring Moonstone. The cat was on the man's lap, showing her belly shamelessly. What a furry little traitor. Severus remembered then that she had acted the same way the last time too… He had apparently rescued the only cat in the world who was fond of stupid mutts – lucky him.

Black raised his head at his appearance, using his wand to summon the heavy tray from Severus's shaking hands without a word. It landed softly on the coffee table, not a drop falling outside the teapot, which was quite impressive from an unsubtle grunt like Black.

"Your cat is the cutest thing I've ever seen Snape, I swear, how did _you_ endup with this fine specimen?"

"I found her," replied Severus, quite defensively. It made Black laugh for some reason.

"Well, she's adorable… if a little clingy."

"She's not clingy. She just seems to have horrible tastes in human beings," said Severus, including himself mentally in the statement.

Severus sat on the battered armchair, offering a cup of tea to his unexpected guest.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Sirius was once again walking briskly through the depressing streets around Spinner's End, trying to reach the little hiding spot he had been using as an apparition point for weeks now. He really didn't like this neighbourhood, he felt like every person he passed on the dirty streets were out to mug him, or worse.

He couldn't believe he had been going to visit Snape at least twice a week for more than two months now. And the other man had let him in every time, to Sirius's surprise. Oh, he did protest a little at first, using the same old insults in a new way that seemed to take the worst of the bite from them. It was somewhat the state of their new relationship. They still did the old things, the name-calling, the mocking, the insults, but everything turned into a sort of warm banter that was way more companionship than sworn enemies. Sirius certainly was still completely baffled by it. So out of his comfort zone that he hadn't told anyone so far that he had been visiting Snape. Not even Harry… He wouldn't have known what to say really.

Turing left for the last time, Sirius finally reached the spot he had been walking towards. Looking around to be sure no muggle could see him, he took his wand from his pocket, frowning a little when it came out with a clump of dark fur – that damn cat! – before apparating directly into his flat.

Compared to Snape's, his home looked like that of a Prince – which was somewhat ironic now that he knew a little more about Snape's family. But despite the cleanliness, the costly furniture and equipment, despite all the stuff cluttering his nice and cosy home, it still felt lonely after an entire afternoon spent on Snape's uncomfortable sofa, just talking with the prickly git.

Sirius knew that he ought to apologize to the man for some things… he had tried a few times but in the end he didn't find the words that would have fitted their new found dynamic. They just didn't seem to have that type of relationship.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

It was around seven months after the initial disastrous road-trip, fourth months after his first afternoon tea with Snape, and Sirius found himself in front of that dingy front door once again, having fell into a Monday-Thursday-and-sometimes-even-Saturdays routine at this point.

Except that today the git was taking a very long time to answer the door.

At first, Sirius had shrugged it off, trying to make his knocking more insistent. After all, Snape sometimes fell asleep unexpectedly and it could take him a while to wake up and make his painful way towards the door. Sirius still remembered that first time, when he had been about to renounce when the door had finally creaked open, revealing a very rough-looking Snape behind. He had smelled a little rough too that day but Sirius had not commented on it. Now that he was thinking about it, his host had always seemed at least somewhat cleaner after that, if still rumpled around the edges. Sirius chose to think that it was because their new little arrangement was as beneficial to Severus's health as it was to his own. He knew he wasn't so far off, why else would the other man let him keep this up?

Knocking again impatiently, Sirius began to frown. It was getting ridiculous now, what was Snape doing? Taking matters into his own hands, Sirius knocked again loudly, adding for good measure:

"Snape, get your skinny, ugly arse to the door! It's freezing outside!"

When five minutes had passed and still nothing happened, Sirius started to worry. Severus had not been well in a long time and Sirius knew, even if they never talked about it – Hell, he didn't even know exactly what was wrong with him – that it was serious.

That's when he heard Moonstone. She was mewling behind the door in a distressed sort of way that he hadn't heard from her before. Really alarmed now, Sirius didn't think, he took his wand out of his pocket – thanks Merlin he was now included in the wards – and simply vanished the front door, immediately being greeted by what looked like a very distressed cat indeed.

Sirius took her with one arm, immediately petting her against his chest, enjoying her warm little body.

"Where is your human little cat?" he asked her softly, looking around for Severus.

The man wasn't in the living room, the sofa was empty and the room cold and dark. The kitchen was the same and Sirius didn't waste any time before revealing the hidden-staircase and running upstairs, his throat constricting painfully. _Please please please._

The bedroom's door was ajar and Sirius let go of the wrangling cat when he saw that Severus was lying on his bed, pale and shaking, breathing heavily with his eyes closed too hard for it to be only with sleep.

"Snape!" called Sirius while entering the room hastily, kneeling by the bed, not knowing what to do.

When the lying man didn't answer, he touched his shoulder lightly. Snape was wearing a horrible grey nightshirt that was now twisted around his legs tightly, immobilizing him in what looked like a very uncomfortable way. He was drenched in sick-smelling sweat. He didn't react to Sirius's touch, apparently in the throw of some painful episode.

"Severus, please wake up!" repeated Sirius while shaking his friend a little more forcefully.

Snape's eyes shot open, before closing again, accompanied by a pitiful whimper. He shook his head slowly, as if to convey to Sirius to just let him be. Well, Sirius wasn't going to abandon him like that.

"Severus, please, tell me what's wrong?"

Snape's eyes opened slowly again, and Sirius was soon enthralled in the dark gaze he had once thought was empty. Sirius couldn't count the number of emotions he could now read in the other's eyes. Pain first, and despair, and sticky distress that smelled like someone in the process of giving up for good. But also "sorry" somehow, and "please go" coupled with a strong involuntary "don't leave me alone".

Understanding now that Snape was not just in too much pain to reach the door as he had been on a few past occasions, but that something was really wrong with him, Sirius didn't waste another minute. He took his thick outer-cloak off and hastily wrapped the thin man in it, atrocious nightshirt and all. Lifting him off the bed, he took him outside the house's wards, quickly transfigured the bin's lid into a basic replacement-door to keep Moosntone in until he could go back for her, and immediately apparated to St Mungo, hoping that the risk of it was worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 will be published tomorrow (it's already written of course!)
> 
> I really hope some of your broken hearts after Moonstone will be a little mended after this.


	7. Day 15 - "Stay with me" (Moonstone fix-it part 2 of 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, here it is, the end of my Moonstone fix-it! This is what I call the "happy-sad" AU ending ;)
> 
> PART 2 of 2: "Stay with me".
> 
> THANKS SO MUCH to [Ailec_12](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ailec_12/pseuds/Ailec_12/works) for her help, support, beta work and everything else on this! She's a star and I couldn't have done it without her!

In the end, Sirius was told that he had indeed saved the other's life that day. He couldn't stop thinking about how much time it would have taken the world to find Snape's corpse if it hadn't been for him. He would be dead if Sirius had not taken it upon himself to go demand some tea and light banter that first day some months ago – and how unlikely that had been anyway? Sirius could taste the words he would have said at Snape's funeral just there on his tongue, bitter and salty: fucking unhygienic bastard.

Now all that was needed was for the other man to bloody wake up already, just so Sirius could tell him what a bastard he was to his face instead of imagining himself spitting insults at his coffin. And it wasn't too much to ask after having already waited for six days now, anxiously being told that "no, he couldn't see Mister Snape", "no, only family", "no, he has not woken up yet", "sorry, I can't really tell you more". He was going to make something explode really soon. He knew that Snape didn't have any family anyway, these hospital people were just a bunch of buffoons in coats at this point.

"Sirius?", someone said behind him, startling him out of his spiraling rage. Spinning on himself, Sirius was soon faced by a very confused Harry.

"Harry? Is everyone alright?"

They were in a hospital after all.

"Oh. Yes, yes! It's not… everyone at home is well. Are you ok Sirius, what are you doing here?" Harry was searching his face anxiously.

"Oh, good. You had me worried here. Me? Well… as you see, I'm trying not to be thrown back in Azkaban for fucking murder. That's all," Sirius deadpanned, letting some of his frustration go in a surge of dark humor.

The look Harry gave him was not amused. Sirius, too worried and tired to pretend anymore, decided to come clean:

"I'm here to see Snape… but those bloody hospital idiots won't let me see him even if I'm the one who took him here in the first place, can you believe that?", explained Sirius, all his frustration showing up in his tensed voice.

"What? You're the one who brought Severus here?"

"Who else? It's my fucking destiny apparently."

Harry laughed wholeheartedly at that, after all, he had been the one asking Sirius to take Snape to St Mungo the first time, the sly mongrel. But Harry was not going to let it go with so little information it seemed:

"Now, I want all the details Sirius, you won't get away with this one, you and Snape…, it's too good for me not to ask: what were you two doing together?"

And Sirius, seeing the amusement in his godson's eyes, so like James when he was being mischievous like that, didn't hesitate before telling him everything, all the tea and talks and weird companionship of the last months. He felt better the more he shared too.

Harry seemed to lit up along his tale and Sirius wondered, once again, why he cared so much about Snape anyway? It was just how Harry was, it seemed.

"So, are you friends now then?" asked Harry when Sirius was finished, smiling at him like it was a very good thing indeed.

"I'm not sure… I don't hate him anymore… I can let you have that," replied Sirius defensively.

"Good!" was Harry's answer, and he still looked very amused with it all the little bastard, "Snape's sleeping right now, but he woke up a little earlier today. If you want, I can talk them into letting you see him tomorrow?"

"You were with him?" asked Sirius, astonished.

"Indeed," confirmed Harry.

"'Only family' my fucking dirty arse!" exclaimed Sirius, furious again.

"Sirius!" scolded Harry, looking around them in alarm.

"Sorry,"mumbled Sirius, "you have to admit that they're dirty liars though —"

"—I told them not to let anyone in his room… I… I am his emergency contact – don't ask – and as soon as I knew he was in the hospital again I tried to make sure that he would be safe here. You know how it is… you were there the last time some twats decided to make him pay for whatever," finished Harry, a kind of unexpected darkness oozing from his tone, making Sirius remember why Harry had secured his respected status even now, years after the end of the war.

Choosing to let the matter drop then, Sirius took Harry's arm and dragged him toward the cafeteria, intent on distracting him now.

"So, how's my namesake, my pride, our future? and his little siblings?"

"Please, don't mention your school days again with James, Sirius, you won't believe the letter Minerva sent me yesterday, as soon as I read it, I knew it had something to do with you, it's not funny and I wanted to talk to you about that!" scolded Harry immediately.

"Oh, don't get all fatherly on me, you know that boy just need some more… should we say "fun"…? male representation in his poor life!", replied Sirius, as always highly amused by Harry's father persona. Sirius still remembered fondly the teenager who had asked him for dating advices when he was trying to make things right with Ginny just after the war, and he would never be able to not make fun of his godson, it was how their relationship was. He wouldn't change it for anything, Harry, and his family, was the most precious thing in his life after all. He wondered briefly if Snape knew about Albus' names?

"Oh that's how it will be?" replied Harry. "I will let you explain your idea of "fun male figure" to Ginny then, should I?"

"I'm fucked, aren't I", asked Sirius, more seriously.

"She's going to give you the lecture of the year I'm afraid", replied Harry, amused again.

"Well, I guess I deserved this one", concluded Sirius, he was a good-sport after all.

"Oh, about Snape", interrupted Harry, looking somewhat embarrassed, "you don't happen to know where Moonstone is then? It's his cat… he was awake for like fifteen minutes earlier and he kept asking for it apparently".

"She's at the flat", answered Sirius, blushing a little and trying to avoid Harry's gaze. There was a little silence after that… and then Harry roared with laughter.

"Oh my! not friends indeed," he concluded, highly amused.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

It was with some apprehension that Sirius waited for Harry in the hospital's lobby the next day. Harry's smile when he eventually made it grated on Sirius' nerves a little. Why was the thought of him wanting to visit Snape so amusing anyway?

Harry didn't say anything though and left the room rather quickly after having greeted Snape in a formal yet warm manner that left Sirius wondering once again about their relationship. He knew Harry had been more or less Snape's only contact for years… well, before Sirius had decided to act crazy and insinuate himself in the git's life too of course.

Snape looked terrible but still better than the last time Sirius had seen him, to Sirius' great relief. It was a little awkward after Harry's departure at first. They looked at each other somewhat sheepishly. Sirius couldn't think of anything to say now that he was actually in the damn room. In the end, Snape was the first one to try to say something, in a grumpy tone that made Sirius smile despite himself:

"I guess I should thank you Black… apparently you saved my life or so I was told anyway…" he said, stubbornly staring at his hands where they were grasping at the sheets anxiously.

"I guess you should indeed. And you owe me so much cat's food at this point already that all I can see in your future now is bankruptcy really," replied Sirius, their usual banter coming back to him now that the awkwardness had dissipated.

"She's with you?" replied Snape at once, relief heavy in his voice. "I wondered about that… I… thank you." And this time he sounded way more grateful than before.

"You're welcome Snape. You? Honestly it was a gamble, but the little furry thing? No way, she's too cute!"

"For once, I completely agree with you Black," Snape deadpanned before adding as an afterthought. "Brace yourself for the end of the world, I guess."

After that, despite Snape's prolonged stay at the hospital, Sirius resumed his visiting on their previous schedule. The tea wasn't as good and the purring was not included anymore, but they quickly fell back into their previous weird brand of insult-based camaraderie.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Severus was waiting anxiously for Potter, knowing already what this was about and dreading it. He had known it was coming but had voluntarily tried not to let his thoughts touch the topic, even with a very long metaphorical stick. He was not having this conversation.

The Healer had told him a few days after he had woken up that they wouldn't discharge him before he had found a "solution to his living situation" as they had put it meekly. Apparently he was now officially an invalid and not fit to live alone anymore. He still had the little booklet they had given him with all the horrible homes he could choose from to die in. He was not going to die in a home.

They didn't even accept pets in any of them, he had looked. This was not going to happen. He was ready to just end it all, right here and right now. They all thought he was some kind of coward, they didn't know whom they were talking about He had lied to fucking Voldemort's face and he was not going to die in a home, it was final. And Moonstone was with Black, it was ok… she was ok.

And he had thought for so long that he had no pride left… Well, apparently he still had limits. Hard limits at that.

A soft knock on the door made him turn his head. Potter entered without a word, closing the door and then approaching the bed.

"Hello Severus, how are you doing today?" he said softly, apprehension written all over his face.

"Cut the crap Potter. I know why you're here, you know why you're here. My answer is no and believe me it's final," replied Severus, cutting short any tentative at chitchat.

Potter looked at him intensely then, before sighing and saying with so much care it hurt:

"You know you can't go on like before Severus. You need help. I'm sorry."

"Please, get out of my room," replied Severus, closing his eyes. He wasn't going to cry, not in front of Harry Potter, not when James's son sounded so much like his mother with his caring, and his soft tones, and his demanding that Severus just be reasonable now. It was fucking painful and it made such old scars hurt that it was surely a fucking time machine.

And when Harry sighed deeply, and then turned around and left the room with the heavy silence of regrets, it didn't feel like a victory.

The tears escaped then. Severus was alone again after all, he could be as pathetic as he wanted, no one was around to see anyway. There was no one.

He stayed like that, in an untidy fetal position, vaguely folded on his side, crying like a baby for the first time in a long time. He was too exhausted to stop himself, to keep it all inside. He couldn't stop and it wasn't even lifting any weight from him. He was being crushed on his hospital bed. This time, he absolutely knew that he couldn't do it anymore, he couldn't. Today was the day he needed it to stop.

Potter liked to repeat that Severus had helped save the world. Why was the world out to get him at every corner then? Didn't he pay enough already? He knew he should be angry about that, but really, he just wanted it to stop, _please stop,_ everything needed to _stop_ right now.

"Severus?"

Severus jumped outside of his own skin, his heart leaping painfully in his chest. Black was looking at him with a frown and a very worried expression on his face. He was on the side of his bed, at touching distance… and Severus had not heard him enter the room at all.

"What's happened? Talk to me please you fucking git, you're scaring me!" asked Sirius frantically.

Severus couldn't articulate the deep pain of feeling like the world had abandoned him, while simultaneously feeling like he deserved it but just couldn't deal with it anymore.

"I saw Harry in the corridor, he told me he had been in your room, did he upset you?" asked Sirius, looking lost.

And Severus just kept sobbing quietly.

He could feel Sirius moving around, before he heard the door open and close, and he was alone once again. His sobbing returned with a vengeance and he lost himself in the profound sadness he was feeling. He stayed like that for some time, drowning in his own tears. But it needed to stop.

He knew already that only two common potions would be sufficient. Two potions which were in the drawer next to his bed. Two harmless potions as long as they were not mixed. And in his weakened state…

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Sirius was running back to Severus's room. He couldn't believe that the stubborn moron had known for weeks that he was not going to be able to live alone anymore and hadn't told Sirius despite the time they had spent together since then. _Stupid prideful git_.

Harry hadn't seemed to know but Sirius knew with absolute certitude what Severus was going to do next. He knew it like he knew what he would do himself. He ran like his own life depended on it, not paying attention to the angry people yelling at him for shoving them around in the hospital corridor.

He violently banged the door of the room open and was nearly hit back in the face by it as it rebounded on the wall. Luckily, the noise had been enough to startle the man on the bed, stopping the little harmless-looking bottle he was grasping in his hand mid-air, half-way towards his mouth. Another one was already lying on his lap, directly on the white sheet; empty.

"You fucking greasy moron!" exclaimed Sirius while jumping on top of Severus without care and battling the potion out of his hand.

"What the fuck Black!"

"No, you don't. You're not doing it, you hear me you dumb creep!" repeated Sirius frantically before looking at Snape and seeing that the man was shaking, his whole body vibrating with deep tremors. "What did you drink? ANSWER ME, damn you!"

"I… It's ok Black," said Snape in his broken voice, "the first one is harmless without the second one. It's the mix that's…" he sighed. " I didn't drink any of the second one."

Severus looked suddenly defeated and frail. He was just sitting there, on his hospital bed, dark shadows under his reddened eyes, hands trembling, painfully thin and looking haunted and hopeless. And Sirius could see it now, of course they were fucking friends, it was crazy but it also made sense, it just made sense.

" **Stay with me** ", he blurted out without thinking.

"What?"

"Stay with me Severus," repeated Sirius, more firmly now, it just made so much sense, "I have a big empty flat, I feel alone all the time and I would like for you to stay with me. Your fucking cat is already there anyway…" he tried to lighten the mood, smiling impishly at the sick man.

"You love that cat Black."

"Yes, I do. And if you promise to take a shower now and then – because you fucking stink sometimes mate – I'm sure Moonstone will be happy with my new flatmate, she knows him already after all."

"You think you're funny, don't you? But let me tell you Black: you're not funny, you've never been funny.", replied Snape, his voice regaining some of his lost bite.

"Oh, I'm not funny? I'm sure you're just trying to show me your ugly teeth then every time you laugh at my funny jokes, right?"

"Arse."

"Git."

Sirius saw the other's hands relaxing a little, their grasp on the sheets getting a little looser, and he knew then that the danger had passed, he knew they will be alright now.

"Be good then Snape, I'm going to tell Moonstone the good news and then I will be back tomorrow to take you home, okay?"

"Don't give her too much to eat", replied Snape in his lectury-voice, "she's got a delicate stomach, she needs just the right amount of freshly cooked meat or fish —"

"— she's been eating dry cat food for weeks now, she's never been better," answered Sirius,laughing already at Snape's devastated expression.

"WHAT?"

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Severus complained about Sirius being late before Sirius had even entered his room the next day. His stuff was already packed but it was just because he was a very tidy person apparently. Sirius took him home as promised, smirking at the git's acerbic comments all the way from the hospital.

Severus complained about everything once they arrived too: the room was too bright, Moonstone looked like she had lost weight, the flat was too big, the sofa too soft and the kitchen too modern. Among other things.

It didn't take them long before they found a new rhythm together: friendly insults and delicious meals becoming the landmarks between happy flatmates. The dry cat food had disappeared somehow in the first few days of their new arrangement, and Severus made sure that Moonstone was presented with freshly made meals everyday – even if he had to force Sirius to prepare them when he was having a bad day himself.

Every day, Severus complained about the food, about Sirius being too noisy, about Sirius keeping Moonstone in his room to punish Severus when he needed to cuddle his own damn cat. About Sirius in general. He complained about the weather too, about the neighbourhood – which Sirius found a little astonishing considering – about Sirius' cooking and Sirius not cooking enough.

Sirius endured it all with a fond smile. He knew now that it all meant 'thank you' in Severus's weird language…

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

In the end, Severus didn't die in _a_ home. He died in his bed, in _his_ home, with his moronic flatmate holding his hand and their cat purring on his chest. It was more peaceful than his life had been for the most part, and it left him with no regrets.

Sirius kept his promise and insulted him copiously in the very long eulogy he gave at his friend's funeral.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So? What do you think, are your hearts a little mended?   
> I couldn't completely turn it around because this is the story but it's softer, right?
> 
> If anyone wants to see Moonstone (the cat!), [HERE](https://thatawfulsnapeboy.tumblr.com/post/629532909945110528/i-feel-like-we-need-some-positivity-so-heres-my) it is ;)


End file.
